[JJON]

Having problems with the local chavs? Not getting the respect you DESERVE!!!!!

Here's a http://www.cb1000r.com Top Tip:

Next time said chavs are loitering near your 'patch', get the bike out and look as though you're doing something that could be described as 'mechanical' to it. Then, after 5 minutes, stand up straight and yell 'Fukin' bike' and kick yer spanners and nuts across the pavement. This will ensure that anyone under the age of 18 thinks you're a nutter and will NEVER go anywhere near your property. :box

I know it works*, 'cos when I were a lad these were the people you went out of your way to avoid :laugh





*If you find yourself appearing on You Tube having the shit kicked out of you by a group of 10-year olds, don't blame me, times may have changed since I were a a lad :evil

 

[Felix]

***TOP TIP NUMBER 2 ***

Ever visited a whorehouse with a fellow member of your bikeclub?

Don't leave your mobile number with the taxi driver who took you there in the first place.

Or else at odd times of the morning ... 2am ... ..3:15am ..... 4am ... the fucker will ring you up asking for "Raymond .. How ya doin' brother?" ....

I blame JJON and his jerk chicken meself. :lol

 

[JJON]

Don't talk to me about funny phonecalls mate, I had one tonight on the mobile.

Phone rings:

Me 'Hello?'

Caller: 'Who is dis' (in a sort of West Indian/African/Everton accent.

Me: 'What do you mean 'Who is this', you called me, who's that?'

Caller: 'WHO IS THIS?' (Louder)

Me: 'WHO IS THIS?' (Louder)

Caller: 'i just found dis noomber on my (couldn'tunderstand) phone'

Me: You're what phone?

Caller: on my (couldn'tunderstand) phone'

Me: 'AYE? YOU'RE WHAT PHONE?'

Caller: 'My bruuuuurds phone, my wooman....'

Me: You're on a wind up aren't you mate?'

Caller: 'I'm not winding you up...' phone went dead.


At which point, I reckon Everton, Felix's West Indian mate, said 'Paul, it's not working man, he knows it's a windup...' :rollin

 

[Tifa]

top tip No ***

unsolicited mail?

bored?

kill 2 birds with one stone......

save all unsolicited mail/circulars in a bag/box until you have a rainy day, and 20 mins to spare.....

sort out all the pre paid response envelopes (doesn't really matter if they're not pre paid either!)

instructions......

put the readers digest paperwork into the MBNA credit card envelope

put the MBNA credit card application into the churchill car insurance envelope

put the churchill car insurance application into the home loans envelope

put the home loans application into the double glazing envelope...

and so on.....

at the same time, be sure to include as much household waste as possible (crisp packets, flattened milk cartons, waste from the shredder etc) that you can fit into the envelope....the goal here is to make the envelope as heavy as humanly possible

then take your pile of envelopes down to the postie...

it's a brilliant way to kill a few hours....

sadly, I don't seem to get much unsolicited mail these days...it all kinda seems to have disappeared.. :rolleyes

:rollin

 

[Bullitt]

top tip No ***

unsolicited mail?

bored?

kill 2 birds with one stone......

save all unsolicited mail/circulars in a bag/box until you have a rainy day, and 20 mins to spare.....

sort out all the pre paid response envelopes (doesn't really matter if they're not pre paid either!)

instructions......

put the readers digest paperwork into the MBNA credit card envelope

put the MBNA credit card application into the churchill car insurance envelope

put the churchill car insurance application into the home loans envelope

put the home loans application into the double glazing envelope...

and so on.....

at the same time, be sure to include as much household waste as possible (crisp packets, flattened milk cartons, waste from the shredder etc) that you can fit into the envelope....the goal here is to make the envelope as heavy as humanly possible

then take your pile of envelopes down to the postie...

it's a brilliant way to kill a few hours....

sadly, I don't seem to get much unsolicited mail these days...it all kinda seems to have disappeared.. :rolleyes

:rollin

brilliant :clap :rollin