Garage items
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Thread: Garage items

  1. #1
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    Garage items

    ITEMS IN YOUR GARAGE.

    HAMMER.
    Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is used nowadays, as a kind of divining rod, to locate expensive parts not far from the object you are trying to hit.

    MECHANICS KNIFE.
    Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard boxes delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on boxes containing leather jackets, or motorcycle seats.

    ELECTRIC HAND DRILL.
    Normally used to spin pop - rivets in their holes, until you die of old age. But also great for drilling mounting holes in mudguards, just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

    PLIERS.
    Used to round off bolt heads.

    MOLE GRIPS.
    Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    OXYACETYLENE TORCH.
    Used almost entirely for igniting flammable objects in your garage. Also handy for igniting the grease around the bearing race you're trying to get out.

    WHITWORTH SOCKETS.
    Once used for working on old British bikes, they are now mainly used to impersonate that 10mm or 13mm socket you have been searching for the last 30 minutes.

    DRILL PRESS.
    A tall upright machine, useful for suddenly snatching that flat metal bar out of your hand so that it smacks you in the chest, flinging your beer across the room over the freshly painted part you were drying.

    HOSE CUTTER.
    Special tool for cutting hoses half an inch too short.

    WIRE WHEEL.
    Cleans rust off old bolts and fires them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also used for stripping fingerprints and skin faster than you can say "ouch".

    GASKET SCRAPER.
    Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise, but mainly used to get dog shit off your boot.

    BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR.
    A tool that snaps off in bolt holes, and is four times harder than any known drill bit.

    HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST.
    A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of earth straps and brake lines you forgot to disconnect.

    BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER.
    A handy tool for transferring battery acid to the inside of your toolbox, after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER.
    Normally used to stab the lids of old style paper and tin oil cans, and splash oil on your shirt. Can also be used, as the name implies, to round off the heads of phillips style screws.

    AIR COMPRESSOR.
    A machine that takes the energy produced in a coal powered power station 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air, that travels to a pneumatic impact wrench, that grips rusty bolts, and rounds them off.

    TORQUE WRENCH.
    Specialist tool designed to deliver exactly the specified torque to a bolt, to break it just behind the head.

  2. #2
    Banned blade's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    So not only do you sell cars your going into servicing them to then




  3. #3
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    Re: Garage items

    thought that i had tools.i have to go shopping or first learn to use them.

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  5. #4
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    Quote Originally Posted by blade
    So not only do you sell cars your going into servicing them to then

    Tust me ,you wouldn't want me any where near a spanner, mind you , i've met you

  6. #5
    Senior Member cat in the hat's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Nice
    Quote Originally Posted by blade
    So not only do you sell cars your going into servicing them to then

    Tust me ,you wouldn't want me any where near a spanner, mind you , i've met you



    - and do you find, that if you're undoing something, and part of it pings off, even if you see it land, it has disappeared into another dimension, never to be seen again?

  7. #6
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    Quote Originally Posted by cat in the hat
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Nice
    Quote Originally Posted by blade
    So not only do you sell cars your going into servicing them to then

    Tust me ,you wouldn't want me any where near a spanner, mind you , i've met you



    - and do you find, that if you're undoing something, and part of it pings off, even if you see it land, it has disappeared into another dimension, never to be seen again?
    yup, or you have one or two bolts/nuts left over once its all back together

  8. #7
    Senior Member cat in the hat's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    - that's how i build up my spare nut, bolt and washer collection . . . . .but the neighbour keeps asking for spares . . . .
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  9. #8
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    Quote Originally Posted by cat in the hat
    - that's how i build up my spare nut, bolt and washer collection . . . . .but the neighbour keeps asking for spares . . . .
    Top of his head is the shape of Blades tyres...... wait for it......

  10. #9
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    Re: Garage items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Nice
    Quote Originally Posted by cat in the hat
    - that's how i build up my spare nut, bolt and washer collection . . . . .but the neighbour keeps asking for spares . . . .
    Top of his head is the shape of Blades tyres...... wait for it......
    Funny you should say that,where were you on that rideout ??? and will you be brave enough to do the "Cotswold run" like we did with Julian and Sam before ???




  11. #10
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    Re: Garage items

    Quote Originally Posted by blade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Nice
    Quote Originally Posted by cat in the hat
    - that's how i build up my spare nut, bolt and washer collection . . . . .but the neighbour keeps asking for spares . . . .
    Top of his head is the shape of Blades tyres...... wait for it......
    Funny you should say that,where were you on that rideout ??? and will you be brave enough to do the "Cotswold run" like we did with Julian and Sam before ???
    right on cue.

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