pay rise.....
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Thread: pay rise.....

  1. #1
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    pay rise.....

    The Day the Penis asked for a Raise





    I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

    I do physical labour.

    I work at great depths.

    I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

    I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

    I work in a damp environment.

    I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

    I work in high temperatures.

    My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

    Sincerely,



    P. Niss



    The Response



    Dear Penis:

    After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

    You do not work 8 hours straight.

    You fall asleep after brief work periods.

    You do not always follow the orders of the management team.



    You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

    You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

    You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

    You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.

    You will retire well before you are 65.

    You are unable to work double shifts.

    You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..

    And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

    Sincerely,



    V. Gina


  2. #2
    Banned Mr Nice's Avatar
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    A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

    The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".

    "Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!".

    "Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"

    So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

    "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."

    "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

    "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

    "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?

  3. #3
    Banned E200's Avatar
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    A little boy gets home from school and says dad I've got a part in the school play,I play a man who has been married for 25 years,dad says never mind son maybe next time you will get a speaking part

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  5. #4
    Junior Member HMMurdoch's Avatar
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    Wrong section ?

  6. #5
    Super Moderator Gargoyle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HMMurdoch View Post
    Wrong section ?
    Well spotted................. and moved.
    Gargoyle's Tourer.

    R.I.P. Marco Simoncelli

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